Big brother is watching…

19 Jan

Maybe it’s just a tall tale.


Urban junking legend, perhaps? {I forgot to check Snopes.}

Initially for me, it was just another line item in a long list of government conspiracy theories.  And I heard it third hand. I won’t divulge my source {just in case the government is reading my blog}.  My source will come forward when the time is right, or when enough pressure is applied by the government, I am certain.

*It was, after all,  just a short conversation being held intimately between two customers in a junker’s booth that perpetuated this myth. It was a secret that would’ve stayed between them, had they not been careless and, therefore, overheard.  You see,  these weren’t just ORDINARY customers. At least one was in the know.  And what she knew was the stuff of government secrets. 

I can picture it now:  She was looking around at all the fine junk for sale {which I’m guessing included an odd doll head and maybe some mirrors with silvering issues} as she confided to her friend that she KNEW where all that junk came from.  “The government has a warehouse,” she told her friend, “where THESE people go to pick out stuff for free.”  But here’s the kicker. According to the customer with insider knowledge: “This is how the government keeps THESE PEOPLE off welfare.”

Okay. So let’s get this straight: The government has some giant warehouse(s) full of junk. And junkers would be on welfare if the government didn’t open this/these warehouse(s) to them, allowing them to pick all they want FOR FREE. Then junkers resell this stuff so as to avoid being on the dole.

So MY source says, “Do you have a number we can call for the free stuff?!” {I’m with her. Why the heck have I been wasting all that time at sales and flea markets when I can just go get it FOR FREE from the government?}

Well I don’t have a phone number to share.  But I do think I know where these secret warehouses can be found. And the government signals you when they want you to come shop {kind of like the bat signal}. All you have to do is watch for the vapor trails from airplanes {since everyone already knows they are the product of the government practicing its mind control over the masses}:

AND we all know that “x” marks the spot on treasure maps. 

The government was very busy today, spraying mind-control gasses around San Antonio.  So I followed the “x,” but it seemed to move away as soon as I started getting close {another trick o’ big brother}.

I never could find the warehouse. But I’m going to keep trying.  And I suggest you follow the contrails to your own pot o’ gold… for the good of our country. And for the good of all mankind.

*This story was based on third-hand information {Please forgive me, Source}. I can, in no way, promise there are warehouses full of free junk anywhere. {I just thought I’d share it because it is the strangest — if not the only —  junking myth I have ever heard! Hope you enjoyed it. And my apologies to you if you are in any way involved in government secrets such as this one.}


6 Responses to “Big brother is watching…”

  1. Debra Graham January 19, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

    OMG Kristi…..I am laughing so hard that my stomach hurts and I’m crying. But just in case there is such a place….I expect you to share, because this would be better than finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I’ll let you know if X marks the spot in AZ. Take care and thanks for making my night.

  2. sue January 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm #

    Are you kidding me? I’m busting my hump searching AND PAYING for junk? Kristi, hands-down most hilarious post I’ve seen all year.

  3. Theresa-Garden Antqs Vintage January 20, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    Ok Kristi, I’m going to let you in on the secret. We’ve known about this conspiracy for many years but have been relunctant to share it. The number is 1-800-FREE JUNK! And I’m sure she is hoarding water too just in case of another Y2K, right? Yep, that’s what I thought 🙂 Are you kidding me, what a story.

  4. Janet January 20, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    ummm…i’m not sure if i should laugh or take notes! funny, funny girl!

  5. Junker Newbie Stephanie January 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    OMG, I needed that laugh today! Isn’t half the fun of finding junk (or getting it free from the Gov’t) the people you get to meet? Oh my…

  6. Time Worn Interiors January 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    LMAO! It’s as funny now and it was when you and I talked about it!


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